I've never been one to compete. Although I don't like losing, I've never had an urge to be the best at anything. Perhaps I am content or perhaps I am just lazy. The only formal competition I remember entering was a Tae Kwon Do Tournament when I was about 14. It was my one and only tournament. After a tough match in which I came very close to disqualification for a variety minor transgressions, I came in 2nd place... out of 2. Thus ending what could have been an illustrious career. Aside from my early days as a martial artist whose kicks flew higher than his ambitions I don't recall a time in my life where I was a part of anything that stoked a competitive fire in me. I don't even know what I could have competed in. Perhaps there was a place in competitive rock, paper, scissors for me or maybe, just maybe.. extreme channel surfing.
Although it's easy to blame all those tee-ball games that mysteriously ended in a tie, I attribute my aversion to formal competition to Jr. High and High School gym class. It's not because I was I always picked last. I wasn't. The awkward kid with the coke bottle glasses that avoided changing in the locker room by wearing his 'high water' sweat pants to school (which in turn maximized his nose-picking time between class) usually ensured that I saved a sliver of dignity while waiting in the angst ridden line of the phys. ed. pecking order. No, it was those overzealous ball hogs and JV bench warmers that always took things a bit too far. You know the guys. Taking off their shirts to impress the girls (the ones that walked laps around the gym to avoid sweating or breaking a nail), taking twenty 3-point shots per game and only sinking two, calling a foul after every mishandled pass or errant lay up. My personal favorite was when they would swing for the fences, pop-up to the outfield where Urkel was exiled and score a home run on a dropped ball, a short throw and two errors. The irony of the high fives and chest bumps as they crossed the plate made me laugh more than the errors did. Their ultra-competitiveness and selective sportsmanship turned me off to competition more than my lack of skill did.
So here I am, a guy that has never seriously competed at anything in his life, theorizing about the nature of competition. What do I know? Well, I can relate to competition on a smaller scale. When I trained in Tae Kwon Do decades ago I used to admonish students to not compare themselves relative to others. At least when it comes to technique or ability. Everyone is different, they are at varying levels of ability and rank. You lose appreciation for what you can do and undermine your own development when you only measure yourselves to others. Pretty soon motivation wanes and discouragement sets in when one feels like they just don't stack up.
This is not to say you should not observe others in an effort to better yourself. It's one thing to observe, learn and adapt. It's another to simply judge and push yourself without focus. In anything you do, be it gym workouts, racing, dancing, singing, software development, accounting, marketing, sales or even parenting, it's valuable to watch others that you deem to be successful and learn from them. Just don't value or de-value yourself based on what you what find. But if their 3pt shooting percentage is a hearty 10% just snicker quietly and be on your way.
Try to look for those proverbial intangibles. Effort, focus, determination, attitude. It's these attributes that determine success, whether it's in the gym, the board room or on the production floor. Can you match their intensity to push your limits? There's always a few people at the gym that go all out in the workouts, they finish with great times and try everything at high degrees of difficulty. Can you keep up? Well, chances are, no. Not yet anyway. But do you see them looking around at everyone else? Do you see them stealing so many breaks? You may not be as fast or as strong, but do you work as hard? The aim is to progress yourself from where you are to where you want to be. You can try mimicking what they do, but I gather it is much more efficient to mimic how they do it.
You can even learn from those that aren't at the pinnacle of success so to speak. You can be feeling like a slug, unable to push yourself for another round, glance over at the newbie pushing half as much weight as you, simply grinding it out. What the hell? You gonna let newbie show you up, tough guy? Don't look now but she just went up a height in box jumps. Still not as high as you but when's the last time you raised your height up? Been getting a little too comfortable maybe?
Aside from the intangibles you can learn a lot by observing techniques or habits. Your back always hurts after kettlebell swings. The muscle soreness from Monday seems to creep into Wednesday.. and Thursday. You have a tough time getting started in the AM. Well how is Kareem doing his two arm swings? What's Tom eating after the workout? Why does Sandy seem to have so much energy each morning? How do they do it? (This is not to discount the benefits of a great mentor or coach of course)
Out on the playground, why do some parents seem to be able to corral their kids without the use of sheep dogs, lassos or tasers? Why do some actually look like they enjoy it!?
In the office, why does Bob always seem to get his spreadsheets done on time and how is it that he never misses a lunchtime bike ride too?
In the sales world, why does your competitor seem to be grabbing more market share with an inferior product? Or why is Bob's brother, Bill, outselling you? Look at his smug little face as he joins his brother for a bike ride while you make cold calls. You hope those tight shorts make him sterile don't you?
I like the term 'healthy competition'. It acknowledges the benefits of competition but also alludes to the inherent evils that lurk within it. (play spooky music here) If there is a 'healthy' there must be an 'unhealthy' right? Competition spawns ambition and creativity. It helps one strive to do or be more. It becomes unhealthy when the objective is simply to win at all costs and without regard to others. At its worst, an overly competitive nature can lead one to only find self-worth in winning, not simply achieving.
What healthier way to compete than to compete with yourself? Every time you progress it's a victory. That's not say you should never look to compete with others. Heck, competition is what our economy is dependent on isn't it?! (unless you are a Democrat apparently… kidding, kidding.. a little bit) Competing directly against others can sharpen those intangibles. You retain that focus and you can re-discover that determination. Plus, did you ever notice that you work harder when someone is watching? (Like the cute girls walking their laps - or your crazy coach hopped up on a mix of coffee and cyclocross fever) The folly is when you compete and you feel it was all for naught if you aren't the last one standing. Did you give it your all? If not, then fine. Feel like crap. You should, slacker. Did you give it everything? Did you reach a new plateau? Yes? Then congratulations. You won!
I'll probably never be an Extreme Channel Surfing Champ. Maybe my goals have changed or maybe it's my 'girly' hands. Whatever the reason is, I can accept that I lack the world class endurance it takes to channel modulate competitively. In the meantime, I am looking for my first 5k to run. Perhaps I'll mountain bike too. For fun at least and then see where that takes me. At least I know how to run. The only gears to change are run, run faster, slow down. One thing I won't do is get caught up in my own success or failure. I'll keep my shirt on, only call the blatant fouls and give the guy with high-rise sweat pants an 'atta boy' on my way around 2nd. Heck, just showing up was a victory for him! (Besides, someday he might be my boss)
